to bury you.

 and that’s the thing

I remember you with a fondness

that grief can’t bury any deeper

to let you go,

to bury you with that grief

is a suffering that i can’t fathom—

one that i don’t wish to experience.

how do i honor your death

when you’re still around?

how do i long for your life

while mine is suspended in thin air.

it’s hard to breathe

through cries of your rejection,

the absence of your presence,

sometimes i get mad. 

you’re the demon. 

but here i live my life

as a ghost…

to which of us

goes the better hell? 

say, my love

 do you hate me now?

have the memories 

that you love to relive

become nightmares in your mind too? 

because in each one there was a remnant

of evil that you missed?

And now that you’re going back

and collecting the coins of my heartbreak

you realize that it was your destiny

to not invest in me? 

do I taste bitter? Salty do I seem?

Am I not sweet enough? 

does my liqueur make you squeem?

how do I make you speak

about the taste of me

when in truth 

you never took the time 

to learn my recipe. 

I’m angry yes, 

bitter salty, it’s true. 

but remember the coins

you collect from me

were dropped by you.

ouch, that hurt.

You have many words.

and I have wounds.

I also have suspicions

that, with each day

seem to be confirmed. 

but is it bias?

or is it believable.

I don’t know…

Sometimes

I don’t like

how it feels

to be close

To you. 

you run your mouth

And feed me truths

that are hard to eat.

When the lies 

you used 

To cover

Them with

Tasted so sweet.

I’m no antidote

 don’t use me 

as a prop to feel good

what’s going on

on the inside

needs medicine

taken on the outside 

but baby I’m no antidote

save me 

for when you need 

a little honey

in your tea. 

dim my light.

not even the moon

can blot out the sun.

both know their place.

if I am one 

and you are the other

then no harm done.

both shine in darkness. 

both are visible in the day.

neither will dare 

to dim the other’s light

though only one

is illuminated by the other. 

you can choose to eclipse me

all you want

but if I am the sun

then not even you

can dim my light.

clear the way.

go before me

clear the way

so I can see a path forward

let my knees bear witness of my faith

humble and frail I come

strong and renewed I leave

teach me a new song

on instruments only you hear

teach me to sing 

as softly as I need to

teeach me to wail

as loudly as I need to

so that I can be heard by you

clear the way

for your joy 

so that I may know 

troubles a short while

my grief, I cling to

but your promises

your path

your ways

show me.

so that I may 

love longer. 

thoughts in yin.

do to them what they did to you

just so you can see how it feels

become careless

and cruel to the world.

don’t answer texts back

or any calls at all.

no one shall receive help.

lie to others 

so that you can feel better

about all of the times

the truth was withheld from you.

betray your friends.

sacrifice their character

and reputation so that you can “become”.

you are better

and more deserving, so take.

steal it if you have to. 

forget important dates.

crash them 

when you remember.

wear that mask 

until it cracks. 

then steal another one

to wear in glory. 

when you’re done 

remember how they treated you.

remember how they deserved it all

for never thinking twice 

about if you deserved it at all. 

fake forgiveness 

and never forget.

Plot their sabotage

and throw their plans

of being happy 

into the garbage

the same way 

they threw you away to be discarded. 

stomp on them. 

keep going.

a little more.

Yes, further.

Now choke them,

and dare them to scream. 

sit in their ashes 

and pretend you were burned.

it was a fire,

it was a dream. 

a hell to sit in alone,

i hope it gets hard 

for them to breathe.

throw daggers at their side

and watch them bend over in mercy

be cruel. 

watch them beg.

the dirty fools, 

I always pitied. 

never again.