be strangers again.

I wish we could be strangers again

And go back to simpler times

I really want a fresh start

I don’t know you

You don’t know me 

And our focus was on our work

And not so much on each other

Well …I know I’m not your focus

So I’ll speak for myself. 

I care too much

This I know. 

And sometimes I hate myself for it.

say, my love

 do you hate me now?

have the memories 

that you love to relive

become nightmares in your mind too? 

because in each one there was a remnant

of evil that you missed?

And now that you’re going back

and collecting the coins of my heartbreak

you realize that it was your destiny

to not invest in me? 

do I taste bitter? Salty do I seem?

Am I not sweet enough? 

does my liqueur make you squeem?

how do I make you speak

about the taste of me

when in truth 

you never took the time 

to learn my recipe. 

I’m angry yes, 

bitter salty, it’s true. 

but remember the coins

you collect from me

were dropped by you.

ouch, that hurt.

You have many words.

and I have wounds.

I also have suspicions

that, with each day

seem to be confirmed. 

but is it bias?

or is it believable.

I don’t know…

Sometimes

I don’t like

how it feels

to be close

To you. 

you run your mouth

And feed me truths

that are hard to eat.

When the lies 

you used 

To cover

Them with

Tasted so sweet.

I’m being honest.

 if I’m being honest

I’m not ready either. 

I’ve been using

How I feel

As a measurement

Of my readiness

But clearly 

I’m in no space

To do much

I’m in no space

To be much

so who am I 

to have judged you

For realizing that

About yourself

All on your own? 

If my happy ending

Looks anything like yours

Then it involves

A life well lived

filled with security

covered in love. 

Who am I 

To fault you

For wanting that? 

We can’t get there

in a broken car.

so why not crawl

Until we can walk

Until we can run

Until we can fly

Together? 

see you happy.

seeing you happy…

I hate it. 

that’s why I’m distant

right now.

I have tears

That are paying 

For crimes

You committed. 

water/bed blues

maybe I needed this to happen    

so that i could wake up.

but anytime i'm awake

my mind is consumed.

do i drown in bed

or drown in my head

i do not know...

fill a void.

 i exist 

to fill a void 

in people’s lives. 

I am not 

special enough 

to be deserving

 of the world

but I am deserving enough

to be put up in hiding places 

stuffed in cracks and corners 

remembered for pleasure 

but forgotten for care.